I have not openly discussed this on my blog, but it is not a secret to those people ho know me that I have been diagnosed with Asperger syndrome. In fact, at least 2 of my sons have also been diagnosed with this condition. Wikipedia explains Asperger syndrome this way:
Asperger syndrome — also referred to as Asperger’s disorder, Asperger’s, or just AS — is a pervasive developmental condition related to autism. It manifests in highly individual ways and can have both positive and negative effects on a person. It is recognized by the medical community as one of five neurobiological pervasive developmental disorders (PDD) considered to be part of the autistic spectrum. It is typically characterized by issues with social and communication skills. Due to the mixed nature of its effects, it remains controversial among researchers, physicians, and people who are diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome.
It has helped me to understand myself better to understand the pathology of this condition. Until recently, I have never thought of AS as problematic for me, in fact I know it has helped me to excel in certain areas of my life. Lately, though, I have come to understand and accept the downsides.
The Good
I can lose myself in a coding problem for days without surfacing. There is an actual Zen state that I can hit when coding during which I can forget everything else. I can focus to the point of absurdity. This is why my wife claims that I would forget to shower and grow mushrooms if I didn’t have her to remind me.
I am not nervous in front of a crowd. It has no affect on me to me looked at by 500 people at once.
I see pictures. Everything that occurs in my mind is a picture, usually a moving one. I see object models like molecules in a chemistry animation and I can see them morph into other things through polymorphism. This is cool for me and helps me see answers to problems.
I am rarely tied to sentiment on decisions that I make. I am able to see a problem as it is presented to me without the baggage of emotion. One of my greatest strengths has been my tendency to change my mind or an opinion based on just one more data point. I am listing this in the “good” section despite the obvious downsides.
I do not feel pressured to conform to expected social norms. This has particular advantages when trying to work through problems that might have a social dimension.
Did I mention that I can focus really well and that I love to collect snippets of esoteric knowledge?
The Bad
I have never had a friend that I have stayed in contact with after moving from somewhere. And it doesn’t bother me in the least. I didn’t even call home for about 4 years after leaving home the night I graduated high school. It never occurred to me. My wife thinks I am something of a sociopath due to this.
Despite my best efforts, there is no clutch between my brain and my mouth. I can’t tell you how often I want to swallow a statement back that I just made. Not so much, “Gee, you’re fat,” but stuff kind of like that.
Being looked in the eye by even one person is very unsettling to me. I have learned to force myself to maintain eye contact with people when speaking with them, but I hate it. It makes my skin crawl and when I am looking in someone else’s eyes as they speak to me, I do not hear what they are saying. I only hear a rush of white noise like static from a radio.
I am often unable to tell when someone is mad, frustrated, upset, or otherwise unhappy. This can easily lead to bad encounters in meetings, with my wife, at dinner parties, whatever. I try to be careful about this, but often things spiral out of control without me realizing it until it is too late.
Why am I Writing This?
I have felt the things on the bad list more acutely over the last year, and I tend to forget the positives unless I stop to take note of them. As we often learn in our careers, the thing (talent/skill) that helped us to get where we are is not the thing that will help us excel in our current position. For instance, if you are a great developer, that does not mean that you will make a great development manager. And you know what? That’s okay, too.
Bubby was recently diagnosed as well. There are plenty of positives to Asperger’s for work related things. He didn’t see the negatives of the condition until he married me. Good God! How does anyone (including myself) live with someone with Asperger’s? It is entirely difficult, but understanding his condition has helped the both of us cope. Oh…and lots of counseling.
Thanks for sharing a little bit about your super power!
One of my sons was diagnosed autistic a year ago, then myself and an older son were assumed to have AS by the professionals we were working with. I much prefer knowing what’s “wrong” with me than not, but Asperger’s is still frustrating both to my marriage and to my job. I have always wondered why I never got promoted at work, wherever it was. Now that I know WHY, I am slowly realizing that I really.. really can’t fix it. Like you said
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For instance, if you are a great developer, that does not mean that you will make a great development manager. And you know what? That’s okay, too.
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You know what.. I hate it, but I think you’re right.. it is okay.
Oh, and one of my wife’s little “fun” experiences: a husband and second grader going aspie on each other over some completely insignificant fact that neither can accept they are wrong about.
no one has it all. AA has the thing about, “once a drunk, always one, etc..” AS people likely get labeled the same way. But, the question I ask is; “how successful has the “normal” or “sober” world been?” Be careful about choosing an excuse for learned helplessness. The world will always try to label someone else. Normal people do not have it all either.