4 Aug

M. Night Shyamalan Needs to Stop

My family is currently visiting family in Seattle and I am living the bachelor life
this week.  To celebrate, I decided to go to a movie and enjoy the peace and
quiet of going by myself to something that wasn’t rated G.

I must be getting old because frankly, there wasn’t anything I really wanted
to see after I got to the theater.  Because I have been surprised by his past
movies and have been holding out for a career recovery, I chose M.
Night Shyamalan
’s Lady in
the Water
.  The trailers made it look like a horror flick, but it turned
out to be the story of a water pixie who comes to a Philadelphia apartment complex
to be a muse for a writer and then be carried away by an eagle, all the while
battling a dog/wolf/thingy made of grass.

That’s right.  You heard me.

Dear Mr. Shyamalan,

The masterpiece that was The
6th Sense
isn’t going to carry you
any farther, my brother.  You started to lose it with
in my opinion, but others that I know liked it.  Therefore, I will not claim
that you had yet lost your touch. 

Signs was
a good effort.  Not a stellar effort, but a good one.  All you had to work
with was Mel Gibson, so I’ll throw you a bone.

Then came The
.  What the hell was that? 
I mean, I get it.  I just don’t like it.  The switch at the end? 
Oh yeah, you got me.  Nice one.  That was the extent of the quality of the
movie though.

And now, Lady in the Water.  What were you thinking? 
In my opinion, you have no excuses for this waste of celluloid.  You sir, need
a beating.

I’ll admit, the water pixie was really hot, but that
just isn’t going to carry it.  A wolf made of grass?  Your acid trip
characters do NOT always translate well, buddy.  What movie executive heard you
pitch this idea and said, “You know what?  That’s a great idea, M. 
Here’s a check for $30 million, now go make a movie.”

Bottom line, I am giving you one more chance.  Maybe. 
If your next movie so much as has a stupid title, you are officially written off. 
It is do or die time, M.

Your friend,