I Have the Flu

It is Saturday afternoon and my wife is in Vegas for the weekend with a pack of her
girlfriends, leaving me with all 4 kids to manage.  The 4 kids range in age from
9-5 and are terrifyingly enterprising for their ages.  Under normal circumstances, caring
for them by myself for the weekend is no big deal, in fact I don’t shun this
kind of thing at all.  I even take all of them camping without mom.

But I have the flu.  Do I ever.  I am a train wreck.  I have been spiking
to about 103 degrees and have been only semi-conscience all day. 
If a robber came to invade our home, he could just have it all at this point. 
I am in no condition to resist.

Upon waking up this morning, I realized that this was going to be a bad weekend. Therefore,
I devised a typically “dad” plan to get through this weekend.  First thing this
morning, I went to the grocery store and bought $20 of different flu medicines that
promised to knock me out.  Then I purchased $50 worth of microwave food like
pizza and corn dogs that the 7 year old could heat himself.

Next, I rented 3 Disney cartoons and a Kung Fu movie.

After I got home, I just opened up the coffers on the supplies I had purchased, swigged
too much Theraflu Night Time and went to bed. 

It is now about 7 hours later and I have been back among the living for about 30
minutes.  My neighbor just called to tell me that my pack of feral youth had
been roaming the streets, but did not seem to carry a pack mentality for vandalism
like one might expect.  Good for them.

No one seems to have bled much today and the house is still standing.  I have
seen no indication at all that anyone tried to start a fire or anything.  This
plan of mine seems to be working like a charm, although if my in laws get wind of
this I will never be able to live it down.

Whatever.